Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Nixon's Movie Reviews

Torn in OKC writes to Nixon's Movie Reviews:

Dear Nixon,

Your mom says that you will providing movie reviews. Since you are so obviously an expert, my question to you is this:

Should I go ahead and see M:I:III (a truly obnoxious title) in the theatre, or wait until it comes out on DVD? My dilema is that while I abhor Tom "Couch-Jumper" Cruise, and all he stands for, I adore Philip Seymour Hoffman, and try to support whatever movie he stars in. Thanks for your input, Nixon!

Sincerely,

Torn in OKC


Dear Torn in OKC,

Stay true to your boycott of Tom Cruise. He is an assbag. And if there's one thing this cat knows, it is ASSBAGS. I admit, I got excited when he said he'd eat the placenta from his child's birth, I mean, YUM. Eating the placenta is totally the way to go in that situation. But HE DIDN'T. He didn't. He lied to us all. And he has the nerve to allow people to call his unholy union with Katie Holmes, "TomKat". Hmmph.

I'm a fan of Philip Seymour Hoffman myself,
because Hoffman--now that's a guy who'd eat the placenta when he says he will. Honestly, I don't know how he resisted the urge to run out and eat all of those luscious frogs in Magnolia. Frogs! Raining from the sky!! My big belly would be frogalisciously full, I promise you that. The way he held his character and didn't run out to eat them--Oscar-quality. But I admit, I held my head in shame when I saw that he would be in the latest Cruisefest. As much as I love my Hoffman, I don't know if I can bring myself to watch the Tom "I say I'll eat the placenta and then not do it" Cruise smugfest just for him.

I hope that helped!

Love always,
Nixon

3 Comments:

At 6:16 AM, Anonymous Penny Farthing said...

I'm laughing my freaking ass off.... Nixon, you rock!

 
At 7:02 AM, Blogger Natalee said...

Nixon-

Thanks so much for the reply! Indeed, I shall heed your advice and wait until this shitfest movie is on HBO, when I shall view it when there is truly nothing else on. Truly, the only reason I will even watch is to laugh my tail off at the ridiculousness of it all.

Sincerely,

No longer torn in OKC

 
At 8:39 AM, Anonymous Nicole said...

"As much as I love my Hoffman, I don't know if I can bring myself to watch the Tom "I say I'll eat the placenta and then not do it" Cruise smugfest just for him."


I nearly peed myself laughing. :)

 

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