Saturday, June 24, 2006

What a rotten day

I was having a pleasant Saturday morning. I ate some delicious meat-meat-&-more meat cat food that Mom bought us at Whole Foods. Then I had my morning poo. I was lounging on Mom & Dad's new IKEA furniture when she brought IT downstairs.

The cat carrier. It never bodes well when THAT thing is brought out. We knew what was coming--one of us was going to the freaking vet. As luck would have it, it was ME.

I hate the vet. Hate hate HATE the vet. They poke me, prod me, touch me in bad places, and then tell me I'm fat. Know what? They can kiss my fat ass.

So we arrive at the vet. Mom lets some sticky-faced, dirty little urchin pet me. Almost as much as I hate vets, I hate KIDS. Especially that kid. She was stinky and dirty and wouldn't shut the hell up. After a good 15 mins of her riveting tale of the neighbor's cat who is either a boy or a girl or a dog or a llama (who could tell with her rambling, unfocused story) and her petting my fur the wrong way, I finally screeched, "Dirty bitch!!" in cat language. It startled her and she pulled her hand back. Score one for the fat calico!

Here's the kicker. After this horrible experience of bloodletting and name-calling, we get back in the car. Now I'm a classic rock fan. That's how Nixon rolls. The Who, the Stones, Journey. Pure GOLD (see that pic over there to the right--remember that badass cat in the Stones' Harlem Shuffle video? Who can't love that?!) After a long morning of evil tagteam Vet and Child, all I wanted for the ride home was to kick back in my carrier and sing a little duet with Mick Jagger.

But no.

Let me tell you all a little secret about MOM. She claims she is so cool, musically. "I love Queens of the Stone Age," "My favorite band is Radiohead," and "I just looooooooove Ween." Mmhhmm. Well, when it's just me and her in the car, bitch sings along with "Gold Digger" and Ashley Simpson. Yeah, I told your little secret Mom. Stop taking me to the vet because I got a lot more dirt on you, lady.

Love always,
Nixon

8 Comments:

At 9:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahahaha Ashlee Simpson...and I was skeptical about some of MY moms musical choices.

~Meg & Jack

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Well after such a horrible experience, I almost hesitate to ask but, was your V.E.T. visit just for a checkup or what? No one likes those visits, but if you want to stay well, they're a necessary evil. However, no cat should be subjected to dirty children (or Mom's singing!)

Love,
Tipper

 
At 3:35 PM, Blogger Zeus said...

I don't blame you one bit for having to pull out the dirt on your human pet. Any homo sapien who claims Ashley Simpson has talent needs to listen to "L-o-v-e" one time. That song isn't about love; it's about drinking at a club...or is it about ripping off of Pat Benatar? It's pathetic!

Nixon 1 Human lady pet 0 I say...

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger Feline Oligarchy said...

What a waste of a Saturday. Our human plays COUNTRY music when we go to the v-e-t. Wanna trade? -- Alberta, Sky, Blackie and Charlie

 
At 3:25 PM, Blogger Fat Eric said...

Hi guys. Nice to meet you. There certainly are a lot of you! Would Effie be interested in joining my club, the Gorgeous Gingers? Come and visit my page some time!

 
At 6:54 AM, Blogger Sudiegirl said...

Whoo...busted!

still...it's better than barry manilow.

 
At 7:31 PM, Blogger Tiff said...

We miss you guys!
*Whine*

~Meg & Jack

 
At 9:54 PM, Blogger ArtsyCatsy said...

Hi Drab Cats! I'm Rocky, CEO (Cat Executive Officer) of ArtsyCatsy. Come over anytime to sniff us out and watch my catstaff of 15 formerly-ferals train our humans to start a new business for cat lovers. If we make you purr, want to link to each other? You can e-meow me anytime at ArtsyCatsy@yahoo.com!

 

Post a Comment

<< Home